YES I KNEWW IT ;o; (This is super long, but I think it's worth reading. XD It's not boring.. : P )
I knew if I just waited it out, (the thing about NHS I was saying in my last entry that happened on Tuesday this past week) Thursday was the day I was told in my spirit to wait >o<
Anyway okay, lemme start a bit over.
Long story short (for those who don't know) My dad and step mom wouldn't let me join NHS (National Honors Society) because my step mom got all angry over it being last minute. I cried not merely just over the NHS thing, but because I don't feel like I get any support from my parents, and it's been building up inside. Anyway, that night I was weeping, I took my Bible out of its case as I lay on my bed and I opened it..and the FIRST page in got opened up to happened to be in the Psalms... Psalm 30. I took my first glance at it and read,
"Sing to the LORD, you saints of his;
praise his holy name.
For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may remain for a night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning. " (v4-5)
@_@ I got a reminder on that from Him..I sound like a little kid as I go over this, but you know, the moment I received that NHS invitation at school I knew God would use that as my 'ticket' into the college He's planned for me to go to. I should have stuck to that, but instead, on Wednesday... my heart grew SO BITTER against my parents. I've never gotten that way for years! I didn't like it, I didn't want to be bearing grudges. I wasn't, but I just felt so darn hurt. ; ;
I told both my aunts what happened over the phone. All the things they said to me that night. The way my step mom raised her voice, how my dad said he wouldn't support me for it, the same old unjust treatments as usual. I was crushed. But I kept tryinggg to not give the Devil a foothold on me because of that anger/pain/resentment.
Well, Thursday was the NHS induction ceremony. My parents knew that, 'cause I had told them that night in that dreadful conversation. Thursdays after school (at school) I attend a Bible Study club, but that day my parents had to go across town for some meeting, and couldn't pick me up from school. My grandma was going to do that, and I'd go home with her.
But instead, I had this thought in heart: My friend Alex, he wants to become a pastor one day too, and I love talking to him because we both have the things in mind of God. So I asked Alex if he didn't mind giving me a ride home, and he agreed. (4:20pm we left the school)
Bible Study got cut short because there was no teacher in the room to 'supervise' us and another teacher had said we couldn't stay. As Alex was driving down the main road, I asked him if he wanted to go to Marble Slab (this ice cream parlor) he was like, "OHHH I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE IN SO LONG. : D" so I said, "My treat :3" and he couldn't protest against it, since he had no money with him. XD
OKAY, HERE'S THE BAD PART: I'm not aloud to be riding in the car with another teenager. LOL. I'm 18 though, but I'm sure those rules are still the same. (I'm leading a bad example, but please read the rest of the story to get to the conclusion so you wont follow after me!! x.x)
It was around 6:00pm... (we got there at like 5:00pm -stupid traffic!- , but we sat in the car talking for 30 min XD) ...we were done with our icecream but of course we were still talking. (wee, fun!) then suddenly... MY DAD CALLS MY CELL PHONE. x__X My heart DROPPED.
Me: *answers* Hello?
Dad: Hey, I can take you to your doctor appointment tomorrow. Are you at grandma's now?
Me: *SMALL hesitation to answer* Uh, yeah. ( I HATE LYING X__xx!1!1!!)
Dad: blahblahblah, oh, well can I talk to grandma?
Me: ... Can't you just call her on her phone?
Dad: I guess, but can't you go to her? *starting to get suspiscious*
Me: I gotta go to the bathroom. *2nd lie ;elkf;sadkf well, I did gotta pee at the time XD; *
Dad: *officially suspicious* well, okay. I'll call her, bye
Me: Bye
Then I quickly explain to Alex, "I'm not supposed to be going out with friends in their cars (shot a million times)" I sounded kinda like a bad girl, and I pictured it being set in the 70's where I would be like one of those chicks who disobey their parents and run away with boys. LOL but I felt so stupid. I wasn't interested in Alex like that, but man, here we are.. two Christians, and I'm having my fellow brother in Christ not know he is sharing in my sin of disobedience *not being allowed to be in the car with a teen-friend driving* by taking me home after eating ICECREAM. rofl (I'm thinking the whole thing is pretty funny. But it gets better : p)
RIGHT AWAY (as I'm explaining to Alex what's going on) I'm calling my grandma, to tell her that when my dad calls to say..
Grandma: *answers* Hello?
Me: GRANDMA, my dad is going to call, tell him I'm in the bathroom if he asks where I'm at!
Grandma: AH, OK, DON'T WORRY. DON'T WORRY. IT'S OK. OH, HE'S CALLING ME NOW.
Me: tell him I'm in the pody!
Grandma: OK OK, bye.
*hang up*
ZOOM Alex and I rush out of Marble Slab. XD Then my dad tried calling me again! And as we were trying to get out of the parking lot, we had to battle traffic on the way. ;__; My heart went psycho when my phone was vibrating (dad was calling) I didn't answer. Then another minute later when I opened my phone, my STEP MOM was trying to get a hold of me...
... Then it hit me.
They thought I was at NHS, doing that ceremony thing. As if I were going behind their backs to do NHS in secret! Reminded me of the time they said I couldn't go to the 8th grade dance, for that same stupid reason. "You told us at the last minute" they didn't have to pick me up, take me, nothing. But they said no. I didn't do anything wrong, I had good grades, I just couldn't go. But I went anyway. (Grandma took me) and they busted my butt at the dance!
I thought to myself, "Well if they go to the school they wont find me there!" It gave me some relief to my heart that they thought I was "there" instead of
here. I felt so bad, I prayed more than ever I didn't freak out Alex -since he was driving. I kept praying to God out of severe nervousness, "PLEASE DON'T LET THEM FIND OUT. PLEASE SAVE ME!!! PLEASEEEE *picture of chibi-sized Haru on her knees pleading to the Master with tears*) ..Because of the times I did wrong, I by myself -even when I prayed *crisis Christian back then* I never got out of it. Even though I regretted it. But
that was my life apart from Him...(It was like this: Say you have a 'friend' but you never talk to them. Then the only time you DO talk to them is when you NEED them! Some friend you'd be, right?)
I apologized to Alex several times in the car, and FINALLY, I got there to my grandma's. I told him bye and thanks and I ran inside with my phone in my right hand and my instrument case in the left! I got in my grandma's, called my dad, (I noticed he sent a terrible text message saying: IF YOU'RE AT NHS, I'M GOING TO BE VERY PISSED.") and he answered:
Me: Hey! *trying SO hard not to sound nervous* I was in the bathroom, and you had been calling me a bunch of times. (THIRD LIE ;_X!!!!!@111 BUT DUDE IT FIT IN SOO PERFECTLY. The whole bathroom thing helped! and I'm horrible at making up stuff, it never fits so well like that!) ..did you want to talk to grandma?
Grandma: *saying stuff in the background to the dogs*
Dad: ...No, I can hear her. We thought that you were at that NHS thing. We're proud that you didn't go...
It's true that I didn't go to NHS. But the irony behind it all, I lied about where I really was. Totally bad timing. But you know, God organized this whole event. HE didn't want me to lie obviously, it was another test, and I don't know how I did. I think I got a 50% or something. x_X I ended up telling my dad how I felt about everything (my aunt and counselors at school said I should) and I knew he'd quote to me the whole "Honor thy father and mother" commandment. (I pictured it happening that very Tuesday night as I cried. This whole thing: 'Wait til Thursday' 'Honor your Father..' 'Ticket to college from God' was revelation from God. I just... like all of us do, didn't give attention to the Voice of God speaking in me. I replied to my dad, "Yeah, daddy, the Bible also says to fathers 'to NOT embitter or exasperate your children...'" (Col. 3:21, Eph. 6:4) I got him on that one. I doubt he'll remember.
My step mom I also spoke with over the phone. She said when I hadn't answered my phone, her heart dropped. (I'm like yeah, me and you both!!! X_x) But I think.. because they went through that...they had that heartfelt gratitude that I didn't go to NHS and disobey them. *falls over* I told my step mom that I had spoken to the leader of NHS, and they hadn't drawn me out yet, 'cause of what was going on with my parents (the head-honcho is giving me more time) I told her I could get more information on NHS, so that they might be convinced of letting me join (so they can see it IS important and worth joining) my step mom agreed. <3 She even admitted to me that, that whole day and before, she had her mind thinking about the NHS deal.
(ANSWERED PRAYER!!!--- *Haru on Tuesday night* "OH LORD, COONVVVINCTT THEIR MINDS!!!!! >o;!!11!1* )
"What God began, He'll complete..." That verse I rung in my heart. Then last night, I was looking at channels on TV and came to Paula White's program (she's a pastor) and they were talking about just that. The man on the show prophesied and was saying, "You have cancer and you're watching this..What God began, He's going to complete that work in you." I was like: O__x
But yeahhh... the lying thing.. I mean, I lied THREE times. Peter lied three times denying Christ. Saul (called Paul) was blind for 3 days. Jesus rose on the 3rd day. Three in One, the Trinity (Father, Son, Spirit) .. Three creation, time-space-matter, in time: Past,present,future. Go to biblegateway.com and type in "three" and you can see three is a significant number to God. Gah XD I just had to point that out. It just gets me that I lied three times.
It bothered me so much, in fact. I knew the right thing to do was to admit the truth. My conscience was exploding within me, and the Spirit was convicted my heart with guilt. I really don't like lying. There's no such thing as a 'white lie' or 'little lie' to me. It's just LIE. So I felt bad. Here are my parents thinking, "She's such a good girl" when really I'm filthy dirty horrible. : p I don't deserve such a title, quite frankly no one does. Only God is good, so why call me 'good' ? I was battling in my mind that Thursday night whether or not to tell them the truth.
Morning came, and I went to school. During my lunch period I went to the counselor's office and told Mrs. Garcia (she's the secretary and my friend XD) all that happened. She's Christian too, and thought I should tell my parents the truth. I went to the restroom first, and then as I was coming out of the stall... I had in mind to call my dad first. (I was taking into serious consideration to call my step mom first, but God changed my mind.)
I went outside and called my dad. He was busy at work, but could spare 5 min. I explained to him the whole story, and to my surprise (I prayed over the answer too xX) he didn't get mad. He just said "So long as you didn't go to that NHS thing. Just don't tell Sebo -stepmom-" ...I was really planning to tell her, but since he said not to, that problem falls on him. /shot shot shot
After the talk, we hung up, and I felt that joy-rush come in.
The truth friggin' sets you FREE, MAN.
'And who the Son sets free, is free indeed!" John 8:36
......... Maybe it would've been easier for most people to not tell the truth.
I lied to my DAD on the phone, and whatever he told her what I said, that... I don't think any longer falls on me, because he said not to tell. x_X All I know is, the next time the opportune time comes to tell the truth--I'd better do it! And, if I I could go with a friend somewhere, I'm asking. I am 18 and all, and Lord knows... they might cut me some slack. It goes like this: Not telling the truth is easy, but weak, but it takes a strong person to do the things God wants. (I'm trying to be like that!) ...It's easier to hate, but it's hard to love. Why? Because the nature of the Spirit is contrary to the sinful nature, which we were born in...but if the Spirit of God lives in you, you are dead to sin, and the peace of God will rule your hearts. For that same Spirit who lives in you raised Christ, and when He comes, will also raise us.
For the mean time: I don't want to conform to the things of this world.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)
I want to be God's, and I want to follow in His footsteps. <3
Being created new. Living free: In righteousness, humbling myself, and becoming more Christlike.
WEEPING MAY REMAIN FOR A NIGHT, BUT JOY COMES IN THE MORNING
Officially GONE....NEW ACCOUNT, PLEASE ADD!!
Joy
Awestruck
(just haru megUmi = spring-blessing)
I can't believe it's 2008 @__@ The year I would've been graduating from HS. (I'm c/o of '09) It's... amazing... to be here. I wish I would be graduating... that'd be so weird. (saying that since I went through all that chemotherapy/cancer-treatment junk) 
Delighted
